DSmart, here's another good story for you...............

[ForrestGump]

How do I find these girls? So I meet this really sweet, smokin hot, former Hawaiian Tropic girl. Been going out a couple of weeks. This week she stayed at my house a few times. It's driving me nuts though, because she's an "aggressive sleeper" if you know what I mean. One of those people that moves in their sleep, takes over the bed, pushes on you, etc. When she stays I get maybe 3 hours sleep. Grrrrr.

Well, THAT pales in comparison to what I went through tonight. I'm writing this from my couch at 4am CST because I've been up most of the night.  So let's backtrack to about 11pm.  I had been up since 5am, so we had gotten in bed about 10:30. All of a sudden she gets up and goes out into the living room. Now me, not really caring except if she was burning down the house, I dont' get up. I'm assuming she just didn't want to sleep then. That is until sometime later when I'm awoken by this loud crash of dishes. It takes me a few minutes to wake up and then I hear an even louder crash. WTF?!?!?! I run to the kitchen to find this crazy chick.........hell I don't even know how to describe it.......... sleep cleaning? She's nekkid and in this catatonic state. She has taken all the food out of the refrigerator and thrown it into the dishwasher. Dishes that were in the dishwasher have now been thrown in the sink or trash. No need for those pesky things. They just clutter up the cabinets, apparently. And then she had fallen down and landed on the dishwasher door, ripping it out of the cabinet and putting a gash in her nose in the process. Which, it would seem, was the louder of the two crashes I heard. I can't believe I didn't wake up my neighbor with my cry of "WTF ARE YOU DOING?????????????????????"

So I get her back to bed and think this is over. Yeah.........not so much.  At this point, it's midnight, I'm just amazed at what I've witnessed, and completely irritated. So I grab a blanket and pillow and lay down on the couch. Glad I went there and not a guesst room upstairs. Cause I wake about 3am to this nekkid zombie sleepwalking chick chasing my two black cats through the living room meowing. This is not a lie. It happened. TWICE. Not once, but two different times I had to jump up and grab her and push her back to the bedroom. I don't know if she was intent on petting them or wanting to shishkabob them. But they ran past me with this look of "When this is over, we've got to have a short discussion with you in regards to your choice of women." Hell, I can't blame em at this point.

So now I'm sitting here at 4:45 with a cup of coffee in hand, guarding the bedroom door from the couch. I swear if she manages to make it out the front door before daybreak, I'm going to let her keep running and just back her car out of the driveway and park it down the street. :)

shane

[ForrestGump]

Brent, I'm thinking the relationship is over. Last night was just a wee bit too much for me.  No, I take that back.........it was a LOT too much for me. lol So this morning it comes out that she has prescription sleeping medicine.  She forgot the little graduated cup at her house so before bed she just took a big swig from the bottle. Yeah, now THAT was a good idea. NOT! lol

[Jody_Seal]

Youngsters these day's!!!

Dude! Take advantage of the situation!! If you know what I mean!  NO! NO! Not! That!!! I am sure your car needs washed! lawn needs mowed! Hey! Get the camera out and put together a photo Shoot!! MAke some Money out of the situation!! Kinda like the Paris Hilton video's!

[teammalibu]

Shane

Once again you are my hero. talk about takin one for the team.

Better hope you dont wake up to her cookin your junk on the stove!! 

[ForrestGump]

Haha! I'm 40 years old, Jody! Wayyy too old for this crap. lol

[Andre]

Certainly one of the funniest women story i have ever read!!!

I've met some crazy ones but...You win!!!

Wow!

Still laughing...

[Jody_Seal]

Shane, you get my age you live for that kind of stuff!!! Whats the name of that medication again???

And yes at 40 you are a youngster!!

[baja]

A wise man once said that the reason that some women are crazy in bed is because They Are Fricking Crazy. A former very good friend and coworker of mine dated Tawny Kitean (Whitesnake videos and Bachelor Party movie) for several fun filled years recently. He learned the lesson the hard way... Time to move on to the next Hawaiian Tropic girl.

[Horton]

Shane,

You are the greatest human I have ever met. I do not know why I do not have a statue of you in my office.

We need pictures ....

 

[h2odawg79]

Shane,

Just had our 22nd anniv. yesterday. -thanx for reminding me that the Grass isn't always Greener!http://www.ballofspray.com/vanillaforum/js/tinymce/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif

[Andre]

I'll second John!

We need pictures before the clean up!

[Dirt]

Shane never disappoints. His life is like The Hangover! BOS ShaneH bobbleheads for the holidays?

[ForrestGump]

Unfortunately I took no pictures of the debacle as it was happening as I was pretty freaked out. LOL. I do have some pics of said freaky chick somewhere though.  I'll post. 

[Dirt]

Very nice...you probably needed a new dishwasher and some dishes anyway.

[ForrestGump]

hahaha. Dishes I was going to replace anyway soon. The dishwasher is only a year old, though!

If you could have only seen my face when I ran in and saw a spicy crawfish roll, rice, whole yellow pepper, bananas, green beans, the leftover salmon I'd made for dinner, etc in my freaking dish washer. I'm still laughing.

Crazy chick has called 9 times today.  And left me a text a bit ago that said "Did u call?" Uhhhhh, That's a negative, Ghostrider.

[ForrestGump]

So an update.........crazy chick called a grand total of 23 times yesterday.  And I don't know how many texts.  I talked to her at one point and said everythings cool, just let me have my day to get over the craziness from last night. Yeah, she wasn't going for that.  So at 7pm last night I told her to not call or text me again and I'd call her tomorrow(today). So then she switched to emails. LOL. And the calls started coming in again at 8:45 this morning.  I've now gotten 6 calls from her and 15 texts.  I talked to her after 3 calls and told her she was being a bit obsessive. After 5 more texts I replied "Wow, ur one crazy bi%ch. Leave me the hell alone." To which she replied she needed to talk to me to get closure. LMAO. By now I'm royally pissed off. So the conversation when I called went like this "You want closure? I'll give you closure. You are one crazy, obsessive, bi%ch. Leave me alone. Don't call. Don't text. Don't email. Don't come to my house." Geez!!!! I swear, I'm a freak magnet. http://i155.photobucket.com/albums/s320/2gofaster/Stuff/brittne.jpg

[PBD]

Am I the only one who can't figure out how a 40 year old bachelor who lives with not one but two cats can hook up with a hot chick?

 

That fact makes this whole story suspect in my mind,or at least the hot chick part.

[ForrestGump]

hahahaha.  I have proof as I have been seen by some on here with the hot british girl in the porsche, the hot ex cowboys cheerleader, the hot playboy chick, and now this one.  Come to think of it.........they were all crazy in one way or the other. Or maybe I'm the crazy one. :)

[Jody_Seal]

In the words of Harry Belafonte!

A pretty woman makes her husband look small,
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her, then she starts,
To do the things that will break his heart.

But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life.
An ugly woman cooks meals all the time,
She'll always give you peace of mind.

Something to think about if you are having the nut-zo's

[ForrestGump]

But Jody, my father always told me that life is too short to be seen with an ugly woman. :)

Of course, he also told me that boobs are like tequila shots...... 1 is not enough and 3 is too many. :)

[T-fromTO]

This is the most entertaining non-skiing thread I've ever read. Keep up the good work!

By the way, why do "chicks" have to be either beautiful or ugly? How about dating a 7 or 8 as opposed to a 10?

[RichardDoane]

jody - I think HarryB just had poor taste in women....

[MAD11]

Shane,

 Come on and tell the rest of the guys where you really met this crazy chick. Cut her some slack. From what I understand even with the sleeping issue she is still an Olympic athlete.

[ForrestGump]

MAD11 is convinced that I've been trolling the Special Olympics. :)

[MAD11]

Only thing missing in that story was some kind of involvement from a midget. Throw one in and I always laugh more. We will have one at the Ballers Bash just to shadow Horton all weekend.

[ForrestGump]

Marc, if you can get a midget I can get a Conan sized guy to bowl with the midget. LOL

[jimbrake]

So, wait a minute...it's not true then if you wake up a sleepwalker that they will pick you up and throw you down the stairs? Doesn't seem so bad then. On second thought, it's almost Christmas, so you don't want to find out what she'll do with the Christmas tree and presents when she's sleepwalking.

 

("Stepbrothers", the movie)

[teammalibu]

Shane

A very wise man aka my dad once told me women are a lot like row boats once you turn them upside down they all look pretty much the same!! 

[thager]

Shane,

 

Better hope you didn't find the crazy chick that was in "The Natural." Keep looking over your shoulder. I bet she's a stalker!!